What interests me about reality is the impreciseness that the people around me hold it to be. Simply put, reality is embodied presence in present time. What I mean by that is that most of the people I know, both personally and professionally, have definitions of reality based on cognitive computations pasted together from belief, memory or sensate experience. What I'm suggesting here is that reality is precise, factual and personal.
My interior landscape, experienced throughout my body, at this very moment, is what I hold reality to be. I suggest that this is true and real for all of us and our collective confusion resides with the notion that a past or future oriented definition, or one based on ideas generated from from memory or a definition relying solely on sensate experience cause not only confusion, but form a source for considerable suffering.
As a psychotherapist, I often have to decipher a person's message to understand what's their way to eliminate suffering, increase functioning and move on with the process of life as it's meant to be lived. Which is with fullness, authority and conviction that each of us knows what is true and real. Many of us grow up in families where reality is toward comfort, avoidance of discomfort and an unwillingness to experience the moment to moment shifting of what is true and real.
I haven't blogged in some time and my experience of these words is one of over complexity and a cumbersome quality which I want to smooth out and simplify as I proceed. If you, as my reader, would grant me the permission to grow as a writer and thinker, I would be grateful.
Thank you: mordechai
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Childhood Trauma Explored
My thoughts lately have been focused on what is meant by childhood trauma and the consequences for us as adults.
When my daughter was about 4 years old, she's now a fine grown adult with children of her own, she would bombard me with gifts of drawings that she would complete in minutes and then present the results to me as gifts. At that time I was not capable of the sensitivity to her that she required and rather then covet her creative output, I acted out of ignorance, impatience and frustration and shut down her open heartedness. In reflection, I might have papered my walls with her art work as I loved her dearly and thought highly of her aesthetic sensibilities. Neither my daughter nor I have forgotten that incident and even though she's become a gifted professional and artist, the wound I caused her remains to this day, more then thirty years later.
I offer this incident as a minor example of what we human beings put up with and bear as children, innocent and vulnerable in all relationships, especially between parents and their minor children. The wounds we experienced as children take on many forms; from the relatively minor, yet stinging ones like the one inflicted on my daughter, to the many forms of neglect, to the more serious examples of physical and sexual abuse. Human experience is full of brutal examples we have undergone in our own childhood and then perhaps in the same form or slightly altered, inflict on our children.
I'm not suggesting that is this is rare or unusual, except at its most extreme. Indeed, I suggest that each of us who inhabit a body feel the brunt of some form of childhood wounding which often shows up in relationships, communication or isolation. Thank goodness we human beings are resilient and have an enormous capacity to endure and get beyond sometimes devastating realities. If that weren't the case, we would have been extinct long ago.
This resiliency can take on many forms with every adaptation offering the individual an opportunity to survive. What clinicians, such as myself, often encounter are beliefs, feelings, sometimes restrained and other times flagrant, numbness and habituation that people who have adapted to childhood trauma often get stuck in and seek professional counsel to resolve. The clinical way through the labyrinth of thoughts, feelings, stuck places is to slowly and gently explore what the experience has meant to the individual. This takes time and is often very painful as it involves revisiting the moments of wounding until they are integrated into our system.
I offer these few thoughts as a beginning exploration of what each of us faces in opening to what the deeper truths and realities we harbor below our surface entail. I would encourage anyone reading this blog to respond and convey whatever arises for you to me.
Thank you ;
Namaste:
mordechai
When my daughter was about 4 years old, she's now a fine grown adult with children of her own, she would bombard me with gifts of drawings that she would complete in minutes and then present the results to me as gifts. At that time I was not capable of the sensitivity to her that she required and rather then covet her creative output, I acted out of ignorance, impatience and frustration and shut down her open heartedness. In reflection, I might have papered my walls with her art work as I loved her dearly and thought highly of her aesthetic sensibilities. Neither my daughter nor I have forgotten that incident and even though she's become a gifted professional and artist, the wound I caused her remains to this day, more then thirty years later.
I offer this incident as a minor example of what we human beings put up with and bear as children, innocent and vulnerable in all relationships, especially between parents and their minor children. The wounds we experienced as children take on many forms; from the relatively minor, yet stinging ones like the one inflicted on my daughter, to the many forms of neglect, to the more serious examples of physical and sexual abuse. Human experience is full of brutal examples we have undergone in our own childhood and then perhaps in the same form or slightly altered, inflict on our children.
I'm not suggesting that is this is rare or unusual, except at its most extreme. Indeed, I suggest that each of us who inhabit a body feel the brunt of some form of childhood wounding which often shows up in relationships, communication or isolation. Thank goodness we human beings are resilient and have an enormous capacity to endure and get beyond sometimes devastating realities. If that weren't the case, we would have been extinct long ago.
This resiliency can take on many forms with every adaptation offering the individual an opportunity to survive. What clinicians, such as myself, often encounter are beliefs, feelings, sometimes restrained and other times flagrant, numbness and habituation that people who have adapted to childhood trauma often get stuck in and seek professional counsel to resolve. The clinical way through the labyrinth of thoughts, feelings, stuck places is to slowly and gently explore what the experience has meant to the individual. This takes time and is often very painful as it involves revisiting the moments of wounding until they are integrated into our system.
I offer these few thoughts as a beginning exploration of what each of us faces in opening to what the deeper truths and realities we harbor below our surface entail. I would encourage anyone reading this blog to respond and convey whatever arises for you to me.
Thank you ;
Namaste:
mordechai
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year's Resolutions
I've been contemplating resolutions for the new year and have come up with a number of conclusions that I've decided to share publicly. The first, though not necessarily most important, is that I won't share my resolutions verbally to anyone including spouse and family. Perhaps with my AEDP therapist, but that will arise or not in the moment.
Next, is that my list will not be a "to do" list as I don't want to create an expectation or even the possibility for failure as too much of that has already happened. Instead I've created a "to be" list of internal resolutions which have checked out with my inner teacher who has loads of wisdom and sufficient experience for this purpose. Of this, the first is that I will allow myself to be as I am in this moment and be aware of my tendency to argue, debate, cajole, lambaste or deride whatever my mind decides to shift or change. After that, I will show up in each moment as complete and whole even when feeling dreadful, frightened, angry or helpless. Then, I will keep returning to this moment and begin at the beginning which is always possible.
Finally, for now, I will create many conversations without attachment to outcome or reflection on what others might think or feel about me or my sharing. I will enjoy this process along with allowing joy to flow easily and fluidly throughout my being and body.
Namaste:
mordechai
Next, is that my list will not be a "to do" list as I don't want to create an expectation or even the possibility for failure as too much of that has already happened. Instead I've created a "to be" list of internal resolutions which have checked out with my inner teacher who has loads of wisdom and sufficient experience for this purpose. Of this, the first is that I will allow myself to be as I am in this moment and be aware of my tendency to argue, debate, cajole, lambaste or deride whatever my mind decides to shift or change. After that, I will show up in each moment as complete and whole even when feeling dreadful, frightened, angry or helpless. Then, I will keep returning to this moment and begin at the beginning which is always possible.
Finally, for now, I will create many conversations without attachment to outcome or reflection on what others might think or feel about me or my sharing. I will enjoy this process along with allowing joy to flow easily and fluidly throughout my being and body.
Namaste:
mordechai
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Intimacy as an Issue for Growth, Transcendence and Pleasure
When we think of intimacy, the general and conventional reaction is one of touching the heavens, or light falling on darkness or relationships where one or both people are disgruntled and dissatisfied. There is another, more general and light hearted way of thinking about intimacy. Basically, in my opinion, intimacy is about speaking the truth of your experience in a skillful and empowered way that allows the other person to perceive you as someone different from oneself.
The dilemma most people experience has to do with thinking that the person you're wanting to be intimate with is profoundly different and therefore unable to accept the truth of your communication. Allowing for difference in others is not as easy as it sounds, especially if the other is perceived as very different, which is often the case. Basically, intimacy is meant to be easy, satisfying and growth producing. Unfortunately, it is often the basis for great suffering, confusion and pain.
The dilemma most people experience has to do with thinking that the person you're wanting to be intimate with is profoundly different and therefore unable to accept the truth of your communication. Allowing for difference in others is not as easy as it sounds, especially if the other is perceived as very different, which is often the case. Basically, intimacy is meant to be easy, satisfying and growth producing. Unfortunately, it is often the basis for great suffering, confusion and pain.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Impermanence in the Consulting Relationship
Nothing lasts is the point of this idea. What I'm focusing on is the essence of this moment and the necessity to become aware that within this moment everything exists. So long as that is the case agreement then childhood conditioning along with adult neurosis is unimportant in contrast to the impermanence in this moment.
However, having said that, what is also essential and the dilemma faced by many spiritual seekers, is the necessity to step into the truth of one's childhood conditioning in order to discharge that energy and release the defensive mechanisms held in place by the being and body. The essential role of the psychotherapist is therefore to facilitate the release of childhood fears and defenses so as to allow the individual to choose and become peaceful with life as it is.
When I work with a client in the "consulting relationship" we arrive at the place of impermanence once our bond is sufficiently stable and trust truly established for the deeper reality of impermanence and the universality of each moment becomes possible.
There are many people in the spiritual community who seek to bypass the difficult work of re-experiencing childhood wounding in favor of connecting with the light and positive affects that are also available as part of the human condition. What these people often experience are "accidents", illnesses and unpleasant occurrences which filter through the defensive make over.
There are also those people in the psychological community who seemed trapped in the conditioning from childhood in their being and body for whom each moment is another opportunity to revisit their closely held suffering.
What I think we are really after as human beings is a way to be free from considerations having to do with the past and presence ourselves in a body based or somatic reality of authentically experienced truth, however it is revealed.
However, having said that, what is also essential and the dilemma faced by many spiritual seekers, is the necessity to step into the truth of one's childhood conditioning in order to discharge that energy and release the defensive mechanisms held in place by the being and body. The essential role of the psychotherapist is therefore to facilitate the release of childhood fears and defenses so as to allow the individual to choose and become peaceful with life as it is.
When I work with a client in the "consulting relationship" we arrive at the place of impermanence once our bond is sufficiently stable and trust truly established for the deeper reality of impermanence and the universality of each moment becomes possible.
There are many people in the spiritual community who seek to bypass the difficult work of re-experiencing childhood wounding in favor of connecting with the light and positive affects that are also available as part of the human condition. What these people often experience are "accidents", illnesses and unpleasant occurrences which filter through the defensive make over.
There are also those people in the psychological community who seemed trapped in the conditioning from childhood in their being and body for whom each moment is another opportunity to revisit their closely held suffering.
What I think we are really after as human beings is a way to be free from considerations having to do with the past and presence ourselves in a body based or somatic reality of authentically experienced truth, however it is revealed.
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